Blow Up


August 15, 2016

Oh, those media pishtwaddles are gunning for Baby DonDon again. A Wall Street Journal editorial today says that if I don’t change my act by Labor Day, the GOP should write me off as “hopeless.” And then they say I might want to turn the nomination over to Mike Pennsylvania. Memo to self: leak stories about Mike’s IQ. That’ll shut the Journal up.

And Mark Sanford—Mr. No Flies on Me—has an op-ed in the New York End Times today saying I have to release my taxes. Hey, better get back to hiking that Appalachian Trail, buddy. How’s your Argentinian bimbo doing? Oh, she came to her senses and dumped you? So sorry.

On Morning Joe, Joe “Benedict Arnold” Scarborough continued his turncoat ways. He said I’m “a guy who knows he’s going to lose” and “a guy that’s in self-destruct mode.” Idiot. Are a lot of your old friends turning into idiots? Mine sure are.

Finally, the New York End Times says that Rudy “Have I Mentioned 9/11?” Giuliani and Mike “My Office is in a Chick-fil-A” Huckabee have been dispatched to help keep me on the straight and narrow. Jesus, spare me. And you think I haven’t made sacrifices in my quest to make America less terrible again?

More grenades, please.



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Andrew Feinberg is the author of Four Score and Seven, a novel that imagines Abe Lincoln comes back to life for two weeks during the 2016 campaign and encounters a candidate who, some say, resembles Donald Trump. It is available on Amazon. He is the author or co-author of five non-fiction books. His political journalism and humor have appeared in the New York Times, the Wall Street Journal, Playboy, GQ, Barron's and Kiplinger's Personal Finance.

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