Birth of a New Nation


July 29, 2016

I’m surprised Hillary Clinton didn’t give her acceptance speech in blackface.

About half the people on stage at the Democratic convention were African-American. Right? Am I the only one who finds this racist? I think it is deeply racist. This is not the America I know, to use a line that President Obama plagiarized from Don Jr. (Oh, he didn’t? Never mind.) And, obviously, this lack of true integration is the fault of Crooked Hillary. And President Obama. (I would not rent to him, that I can tell you.)

I find it doubly racist because the convention occurred just days before David Cay Johnston’s smear job, The Making of Donald Trump, will appear. I believe the book will falsely claim that my father Fred was in the Ku Klux Klan. The book, which I have not yet seen, is deeply racist. It is double triple racist. You know the unnamed governor who told me not to “hit down”? Well, with Mr. Johnston I will hit down bigly. I will sue his ass back to the Stone Age. I will mess him up. My lawyers will stomp his face.

And that leads me to this: I want to enunciate clearly the Baby DonDon Doctrine on race relations. If a white cop shoots and kills an unarmed black person, it is racist to point this out. The police officer is not the racist. The victim is not the racist. The third party who publicizes the event is the true racist. To point out a problem is to cause that problem! The person who makes it public might as well be wearing a hooded white robe.

Just like dear old Dad.

Thank you.

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Andrew Feinberg is the author of Four Score and Seven, a novel that imagines Abe Lincoln comes back to life for two weeks during the 2016 campaign and encounters a candidate who, some say, resembles Donald Trump. It is available on Amazon. He is the author or co-author of five non-fiction books. His political journalism and humor have appeared in the New York Times, the Wall Street Journal, Playboy, GQ, Barron's and Kiplinger's Personal Finance.

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