Baby DonDon vs. Kellyanne Cage Match

February 10, 2017

So I was in the can reading Bill Moyers (where his crap belongs) and he called Kellyanne Conway the “Queen of Bullshit” and a “professional con artist.”

His Exalted Super Baby DonDon was offended. Because, as you all know, I am the King of Bullshit and the world’s number one con artist. I try hard to tell at least 10 lies an hour and I felt neglected by Bill Moyers. As Cole Porter once said to me, “Baby DonDon, you’re the top.”

So I told my sad story to my friends Vince and Linda McMahon, the WWE professional wrestling honchos. (They gave the Trump Foundation millions and let me get the glory when I gave away their money so I really respect them.) They run a company that makes millions on stuff that is totally fake, sort of like a more successful Trump University. And they said:

We should have a WWE Raw Lies!!! cage match between President Super Baby DonDon and Kellyanne Conway to see who can tell the most and best lies. Vince said we are clearly the heavyweights of dishonesty, but on some days it’s hard to know who’s better. (Baby DonDon is better, you putz.) Points will be deducted for all true statements. The first person to say five true things gets Tased. (No worries here, people.)

The McMahons think the winner-take-all match could rake in $50 million and the split will be $24 million for WWE, $1 million for Kellyanne and $25 million—yes! yes! yes!—for Super Baby DonDon, my biggest presidential payday yet.

Did Lincoln do this? Did Washington? I don’t think so.

Stay tuned, America.

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Andrew Feinberg is the author of Four Score and Seven, a novel that imagines Abe Lincoln comes back to life for two weeks during the 2016 campaign and encounters a candidate who, some say, resembles Donald Trump. It is available on Amazon. He is the author or co-author of five non-fiction books. His political journalism and humor have appeared in the New York Times, the Wall Street Journal, Playboy, GQ, Barron's and Kiplinger's Personal Finance.

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