Prison Tip #1

November 26, 2017

Super Baby DonDon, my lawyers are saying, you and your friends and family are all going to prison.

What about the pardon?

Not for state crimes. So we have advice for you and yours. First: do not steal in prison. If you’re caught stealing an inmate’s stuff, he may slice off your dick and serve it to you as a hot dog.

I like mustard. But, wait, I also like stealing. I’ve always done the reverse Robin Hood thing, stiffing small business owners so my family and I could have more goodies. This may help explain Don Jr.

No stealing in prison.

I can’t get through a day without stealing. The only thing I like about this job is the stealing, doubling the rates at Mar-a-Lago and changing the tax code so we get an extra BILLION dollars.

Mr. President, do you really want to eat that very special hot dog?

Can’t I just steal someone’s ice cream? I always get two ice creams. Why should that change in prison?

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Andrew Feinberg is the author of Four Score and Seven, a novel that imagines Abe Lincoln comes back to life for two weeks during the 2016 campaign and encounters a candidate who, some say, resembles Donald Trump. It is available on Amazon. He is the author or co-author of five non-fiction books. His political journalism and humor have appeared in the New York Times, the Wall Street Journal, Playboy, GQ, Barron's and Kiplinger's Personal Finance.

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