The New Benedict Arnold

May 9, 2017

The traitor is Forbes! How could Forbes, the magazine with the wonderful “We love rich dickwads” motto, do this to me?

In a story in the current issue titled “Sky-High Lie,” they call Super Baby DonDon a liar. They say that my Trump Tower “Versailles West” apartment is only 10,996 square feet rather than the 33,000 square feet I told them last year. And that it’s worth $64 million, not $200 million. And my leasing some of the space to Michael Jackson? They said I lied about that too.

The turdmuffins fact-checked me! Isn’t that a crime? Can I make it a crime?

Pluto-publications like Forbes are supposed to lie about my lies so they become truths. Don’t they know that? How are the rich dickwads going to get their tax cuts if I lose my credibility?

And what with that bimbo Sally Yates telling the congressional committee yesterday that we all lied about Mike Flynn, this is turning out to be a really bad week. Thank goodness there are people like Raul Labrador, the Republican congressman from Idaho, who said yesterday that “nobody dies because they don’t have access to health care.”

That’s the way to do it! That is one loyal Labrador.

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Andrew Feinberg is the author of Four Score and Seven, a novel that imagines Abe Lincoln comes back to life for two weeks during the 2016 campaign and encounters a candidate who, some say, resembles Donald Trump. It is available on Amazon. He is the author or co-author of five non-fiction books. His political journalism and humor have appeared in the New York Times, the Wall Street Journal, Playboy, GQ, Barron's and Kiplinger's Personal Finance.

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