The Name Game

July 16,2016


Ann Coulter said picking Mike Pence was my first mistake, so I was up at 4 A.M. tweeting insults to her. Talk about coals to Newcastle. I told she used to be a 9 but was now a 3.

Coulter said Pence wasn’t bigoted enough against gays and illegals. Now Ann Coulter sets her bigotry standards very high, but so do I. Pence is plenty bigoted, that I can tell you. Don’t you worry about him on that account. He’s first-class. We vetted him. We used the same Washington D.C. lawyer who vetted Sarah Palin. (No, I am not joking.)

And although Mike did a complete flip-flop on my Muslim ban at our New York event today, on some things he won’t budge. I’ve spoken to him about evolution and climate change. He said there is absolutely no amount of evidence that would ever convince him they’re real. That’s the kind of mental toughness I have—and it’s what I want in a running mate.

But he will make some changes. When we campaign in Philadelphia, I will introduce him as Mike Pennsylvania, which will be his new legal name. When we campaign in Florida, he will be Mike Pensacola. Has any other national candidate ever cared enough about the voters of Pennsylvania and Florida to be willing to change his name?


And what about campaigning in Indiana, where people know him as Pence? His name is mud there, so I see no problem. The name change could actually help.

There is precedent here. If Anthony Weiner can also be Carlos Danger, then certainly Mike Pence can be Mike Pennsylvania.

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Andrew Feinberg is the author of Four Score and Seven, a novel that imagines Abe Lincoln comes back to life for two weeks during the 2016 campaign and encounters a candidate who, some say, resembles Donald Trump. It is available on Amazon. He is the author or co-author of five non-fiction books. His political journalism and humor have appeared in the New York Times, the Wall Street Journal, Playboy, GQ, Barron's and Kiplinger's Personal Finance.

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