Putin On the Ritz


August 13, 2016

So Karl “The Backstabber” Rove is in The New York End Times today describing me as “confused and scared.” Hey, Karl, would you be confused and scared if I made your family disappear? Just sayin’.

Baby DonDon has some big news for his fans. Last night I had a private, secret dinner with Vladimir Putin at my Trump Tower triplex.

It was strange in some ways. After each course and another shot of vodka, Vlad the Magnificent removed another article of clothing. So, as I told MSNBC three years ago, “I do have a relationship” with Putin. I was just three years early in stating it.

Oh, I was heartsick when Vladdy spoke about how happy killing journalists made him. Killing journalists with impunity is something I can only dream about. I asked if he had any thoughts about how I could do this with deniability. He mentioned the movie Strangers on a Train and floated the idea that I could kill some of his journalists and he could kill some of mine. We’re working out the details.

Then he brought up NATO. I said that when I’m president I was okay with his reclaiming Dumpistan and Whogivesacrapistan, as well as two countries to be named later, as long as he praised me weekly. I taught him the phrase, “You da man, Baby DonDon.”

I think this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

The following two tabs change content below.
Andrew Feinberg is the author of Four Score and Seven, a novel that imagines Abe Lincoln comes back to life for two weeks during the 2016 campaign and encounters a candidate who, some say, resembles Donald Trump. It is available on Amazon. He is the author or co-author of five non-fiction books. His political journalism and humor have appeared in the New York Times, the Wall Street Journal, Playboy, GQ, Barron's and Kiplinger's Personal Finance.

Latest posts by Andrew Feinberg (see all)