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Putin's Poodle

January 10, 2017

So tonight the New York Times reports that the intelligence agency chiefs who briefed me last week mentioned some unsubstantiated reports that Russia had collected “compromising and salacious” information on Exalted Super Baby DonDon, including videos of me having sex with some exalted, super-hot prostitutes in a Moscow hotel in 2013.

I have two things to say. First, the tapes don’t exist. And you can trust me on this, because I have never lied to you and I will never lie to you.

Unless I feel like it. Or have no choice because I don’t know what else to say.

Second, I want to arrange a private screening of these non-existent tapes for Senator Marco Rubio so he can see how wrong he was to say those nasty, untrue things about the size of my hands.

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Andrew Feinberg

Andrew Feinberg is the author of Four Score and Seven, a novel that imagines Abe Lincoln comes back to life for two weeks during the 2016 campaign and encounters a candidate who, some say, resembles Donald Trump. It is available on Amazon. He is the author or co-author of five non-fiction books. His political journalism and humor have appeared in the New York Times, the Wall Street Journal, Playboy, GQ, Barron's and Kiplinger's Personal Finance.
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