Me, Bigly


July 21, 2016

So much to say. Whew! Baby DonDon set a trap for Cruz and Lyin’ Ted stepped in it as he tried to poop on my parade. Loved the headline in the Boston Herald: Boos Cruz. The whole charade made me look magnanimous. Yeah, like that would happen.

The New York Freakin’ Times said Meredith McIver’s apology for plagiarism was the first by a named Trump employee in the 13 months of the campaign. Don’t hold your breath waiting for another one.

My decision not to fire her is making me look like a nice guy. Even Joe and Mika of Morning Joe, who now call be a racist, said Melania and I came away from this unscathed. If they only knew the truth—which they never will. Suckers.

Was Mike Pence great or what? So great I air-kissed him. If I get any happier with him, who knows what I’ll do.

What matters most is that I got this hyper-religious guy who walks around with a Bible up his ass to tell a super lie. Like many other speakers, he claimed Hillary said “What difference at this point does it make?” about the deaths of the four Americans in Benghazi. That’s a crock. She was talking about what motivated their killers. It’s clear as could be, but what’s so great, and what I love about politics, is that almost no one who doesn’t watch MSNBC will know that. We’re swiftboating her and that’s so cool. My big brain—bigly brain—and I are good at learning from history. The Swift Boat Veterans for Truth (cute name) were totally full of it, but did John Kerry win the 2004 election? I don’t think so.

This is the time to do the swiftboat/After that, we get to gloat.

It’s incredibly powerful to tell a lie that is so huge people can’t believe you’d have the cojones to make the stuff up. Hitler called it The Big Lie. Smart guy. And he knew how hard it was to prove a negative.

We are going to mess Hillary up bigly. Tonight’s speech should be epic. Don’t miss it. After I’m done, she may decide not to accept the Democratic nomination.

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Andrew Feinberg is the author of Four Score and Seven, a novel that imagines Abe Lincoln comes back to life for two weeks during the 2016 campaign and encounters a candidate who, some say, resembles Donald Trump. It is available on Amazon. He is the author or co-author of five non-fiction books. His political journalism and humor have appeared in the New York Times, the Wall Street Journal, Playboy, GQ, Barron's and Kiplinger's Personal Finance.

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