Hi, It’s Me, Mr. Mellow

August 15, 2016

Folks, do you think it’s a coincidence that ISIS rhymes with crisis?

No! No, of course, you don’t. That’s because you’re smart. Smart like Baby DonDon.

So today I spoke in Youngstown about the ISIS CRISIS. Like the authoritarian leaders I admire so much, I used the Big Lie. I said explicitly—and I’m very proud of this—that I had opposed the Iraq War from the beginning even though I said on the Howard Stern show I supported it. Give me a break here, does something you say to Howard Stern even count? It’s not like the Joint Chiefs are listening.

Still, I have remained on message here. I have consistently lied about my non-opposition to the war. This is what a LEADER does. So there, you stupid Democrats and Independents and dead-ender Republicans, I can be consistent when I want to be. Which is why you should vote for me.

And let me give a shout-out to my national spokesperson Katrina Pierson who said yesterday it was President Obama who invaded Afghanistan. So she was off by one president. She was directionally correct. What’s most important is that she said something bad about Obama and Crooked Hillary.

So, to sum up, on terrorism, Baby DonDon good, Obama/Hillary bad.

And that’s my plan.

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Andrew Feinberg

Andrew Feinberg is the author of Four Score and Seven, a novel that imagines Abe Lincoln comes back to life for two weeks during the 2016 campaign and encounters a candidate who, some say, resembles Donald Trump. It is available on Amazon. He is the author or co-author of five non-fiction books. His political journalism and humor have appeared in the New York Times, the Wall Street Journal, Playboy, GQ, Barron's and Kiplinger's Personal Finance.

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