August 22, 2016 Exciting news, folks, exciting news. In two weeks I will start my topless Strength and Stamina tour and I may be galloping to a town near you.
Month: August 2016
Oh, Sweet Jesus
August 21, 2016 Yes, yes, that’s Michele Bachmann, the Sarah Palin of the lower 48. On Friday night she announced she’s advising me on foreign policy as well as evangelical
Hey, I Found My African-American!
August 20, 2016 Oh, it’s just Ben Carson. Never mind. Baby DonDon is getting a little nervous about Trump Revealed, the book by a flock of Washington Post-Apocalypse reporters that
Trouble in Arizona–and My Good Deed
August 20, 2016 Another lousy hair day! When will this end? And Christ, our system is so freakin’ rigged! Yesterday, a Federal judge recommended that sheriff Joe Arpaio of Maricopa
They Forgot Something
August 19, 2016 Ah, shoot. Paulie Walnuts has left the building. Felonies aside, Paulie was a good man. We had some fights, of course, because he tried to change Baby
Sing It as We Bring It
August 19, 2016 Oh, Baby DonDon is so excited. The arrival of Steve Bannon as the campaign’s new CEO means we will now officially be part of the alt-right universe.
Lies, Damned Lies and Really Bad Incompetent Freakin’ Stupid Lies
August 18, 2016 Another bad hair day, but never mind. Christ, I can hardly see my shoes. You probably know about the godawful appearance of Michael Cohen, executive VP of
My Evil Twin
August 18, 2016 So Baby DonDon got his first national security briefing yesterday. We are in some savage shit—but I can’t talk about it. All I can say is that
Hair, There and Everywhere
August 17, 2016 Folks, Baby DonDon is having another bad hair day. It’s so humid my hair looks like crap. Did you see my “law and order” speech last night?
Do I Want to Win?
August 16, 2016 So people are wondering: do I really want this presidency job? Obviously, the pay sucks. $400,000 a year? I spend that much on hairspray. Baby DonDon is
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