The First 100 Days without, Well, You Know

No Sex

April 23, 2017

Has any president ever done this before? No? I didn’t think so. Yes, it is an achievement, just not the one I was looking for.

Boy, can the Wicked Bitch of Trump Tower hold a grudge. It’s like I start every day by reading The Grudge Report. I’m so frustrated, I’m thinking of bombing Slovenia. That ought to send her a message. I’d divorce her in a heartbeat, but she’s got those pee-pee videos and the ones where I dress up like Little Bo Peep. Oh, and the one where a naked Chris Christie sits on me. No one wants to see that.

Time to beef up the White House intern pool with women I met through the Miss Universe pageant. Tell ‘em to come to the White House wearing a bathing suit and kneepads.

Speaking of which, does anyone know if Monica Lewinsky is busy these days?

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Andrew Feinberg

Andrew Feinberg is the author of Four Score and Seven, a novel that imagines Abe Lincoln comes back to life for two weeks during the 2016 campaign and encounters a candidate who, some say, resembles Donald Trump. It is available on Amazon. He is the author or co-author of five non-fiction books. His political journalism and humor have appeared in the New York Times, the Wall Street Journal, Playboy, GQ, Barron's and Kiplinger's Personal Finance.
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