Poisoned Ivy

July 12, 2016

Can you believe it? Over 2,000 people connected to Wharton just sent me a horrible letter saying they reject my use of my “education at Wharton as a platform for promoting prejudice and intolerance.” And they said my “discriminatory statements are incompatible with the values that we are taught and we teach at Wharton.”

I’m so mad I’m thinking of building a huge wall in West Philadelphia, right around their bleeping campus. Well, one thing is obvious. Wharton may have been the best school in the country when I went there, but boy have standards fallen. Hey young people, forget Wharton. You might as well go to Harvard Business School, which gave us George W. Bush (thanks so much for that), or Stanford, which gave us Herbert Hoover.

And now I will make some news. I am rescinding an offer I had not yet made to give Wharton $2 billion in exchange for having it renamed the Wharton School at Trump University. Instead of promising a gift to charity and then reneging, as I usually do, in this case I am pre-reneging. I won’t even dignify Wharton with an empty promise. So take that, Wharton.

Or, more accurately, don’t.

And now I have to get ready for my rally with Mike Pence. Can he grovel nearly as well as Cwis Cwistie, the Michael Phelps of groveling? We shall see.

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Andrew Feinberg is the author of Four Score and Seven, a novel that imagines Abe Lincoln comes back to life for two weeks during the 2016 campaign and encounters a candidate who, some say, resembles Donald Trump. It is available on Amazon. He is the author or co-author of five non-fiction books. His political journalism and humor have appeared in the New York Times, the Wall Street Journal, Playboy, GQ, Barron's and Kiplinger's Personal Finance.

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