November 10, 2017
Did I ever tell you about the time Louis C.K. came to the Oval?
So he waltzes in and says the C.K. in his name is the second half of the word “dick.” Then he drops trou and says, “And here’s the first half.”
“Louis, Louis, what are you doing? I’m not in prison yet.”
“I just want to whack it where Abe Lincoln did.”
“Abe did that upstairs. The first president to use the Oval Office was Taft.”
“Could he even see his dick? Anyway, I want to do it where you do.”
“I have five Russian women come in every afternoon to help me.”
“Ooh, where are they?”
“Right now, they’re with Pence.”
“With Pence?”
“Horniest bastard I’ve ever seen. He says he can’t be alone with one woman, but with five he feels different.”
“So Super Baby DonDon, I see a lovely plant over there. Mind if I do a Weinstein?”
“Sure. McConnell did.”
“Mitch McConnell?”
“Yeah, old Turtle Face.”
“Christ, that was a real buzzkill, Mr. Super Baby DonDon. I think I’ll zip up now.”
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