Happy F-ing New Year

Prison

January 1, 2018

So I was happy for about 17 seconds today. Then I read the Palmer Report (http://www.palmerreport.com/opinion/heres-who-all-is-going-to-prison-in-2018/7061/). If you forward this to anybody, I’ll have you killed.

So Turdface Palmer predicts who’s going to prison in 2018. I will explain why he’s wrong.

Jared—Will avoid jail by explaining that his 30,000 slum tenants would miss him too much.

Ivanka—Will wear tight tops every day of her trial. Male judge’s tongue will be on the floor and he will toss any guilty verdict.

Devin Nunes—Not smart enough to be convicted. Judge will reject any guilty verdict based on the
“mental defect” clause.

Steve Bannon—Steve will say that prison’s “one-shirt-at-a-time” dress code constitutes cruel and unusual punishment.

Don Jr.—Yeah, Palmer may have this one right. Worst branding decision I ever made.

Bill “The Assclown” Palmer—Hey, I own the Justice Department. Just sayin’.

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Andrew Feinberg

Andrew Feinberg is the author of Four Score and Seven, a novel that imagines Abe Lincoln comes back to life for two weeks during the 2016 campaign and encounters a candidate who, some say, resembles Donald Trump. It is available on Amazon. He is the author or co-author of five non-fiction books. His political journalism and humor have appeared in the New York Times, the Wall Street Journal, Playboy, GQ, Barron's and Kiplinger's Personal Finance.
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