Great New Idea

January 3, 2018

So I just told that fat ugly midget asswipe Rocket Putz that my nuclear button was bigger. My big new idea is that every day from now on a member of my base (white makes right, yeah baby) will be in charge the bomb/don’t bomb nuclear decision. And they will pay $5,000 for the privilege.

So tomorrow it might be Joe Sixpackasaurus who gets to play president. On Friday it might be Peter Thiel. On Saturday it could be Steve “Oh, Thank You Super Baby DonDon for Keeping that Carried Interest Tax Break Alive” Schwartzman. Sunday could be Richard Spencer or some other alt-right hero.

Hey, I see no reason to be a pig about this, so I intend to split the Nuclear Watch revenues 50-50 with the U.S. government.

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Andrew Feinberg is the author of Four Score and Seven, a novel that imagines Abe Lincoln comes back to life for two weeks during the 2016 campaign and encounters a candidate who, some say, resembles Donald Trump. It is available on Amazon. He is the author or co-author of five non-fiction books. His political journalism and humor have appeared in the New York Times, the Wall Street Journal, Playboy, GQ, Barron's and Kiplinger's Personal Finance.

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