Fluffer in Chief?

June 5, 2017

Oh, were Joe and Mika mean to Super Baby DonDon this morning. They made fun of me for saying my travel ban was a “travel ban,” which they think will hurt the ban’s chances of being upheld by the Supreme Court.

What? That makes no sense.

And to think I volunteered to officiate at their wedding. And that I even offered to serve as Joe’s fluffer for their wedding night.

But not anymore! I rescind my offer. I fluff for no one! (But it’s, like, almost sex, so I could change my mind.)

Did you see that I was brave enough to lie about what the Muslim mayor of London said following the Saturday night terror attack in London? Do you know how much strength it takes to lie so baldly?

And then I wrote him a poem:

“You to ban

Me the man.”

I hear that lots of liberals are buying Depends so that on Thursday they don’t miss a word of James Comey’s testimony. Hey, liberals, given what I have planned for the country, I’d keep wearing the diapers even after Comey is done lying his ass off.

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Andrew Feinberg is the author of Four Score and Seven, a novel that imagines Abe Lincoln comes back to life for two weeks during the 2016 campaign and encounters a candidate who, some say, resembles Donald Trump. It is available on Amazon. He is the author or co-author of five non-fiction books. His political journalism and humor have appeared in the New York Times, the Wall Street Journal, Playboy, GQ, Barron's and Kiplinger's Personal Finance.

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